An Act to confer an award upon an anonymous police constable from the Humberside Police Farce, and to confer upon the said individual the provision to make regulations up as he goes about his business of not policing.
BE IT ENACTED by Iain Dale's most Excellent Majesty, by and with the consent of the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, and Commons, in this present Parliament assembled, and by the authority of the same, as follows:-
Section One: (i) All dogs are dangerous.
(ii) Because dogs bark.
(iii) Therefore, all dogs must be on a lead in public places.
(iv) To placate some people's irrational fear of all dogs.
(v) This new law will have retrospective effect.
(vi) Anyone offended by the police heavy handedness will be arrested.
I once returned to my car which was parked up on Sleaford Market Place while I tried to rob the cash machine of my own money. A young copper stood by my vehicle, and proceeded to give me a lecture on the times at which you were allowed to park on the square. He gave me such a long winded lecture that, by the time he got to the end of it and advised me to look at the clock on the church, it had gone just past the hour of seven o'clock in the evening, thus I was permitted to legally park. Instead of looking like some sort of idiot for not getting straight to the point in the first place and giving me a ticket on the spot, he politely said
ReplyDelete"and as it is now past seven o'clock, you are now allowed to park here!"
I watched him in dis-belief as he plodded off into the distance, quietly seething at his own stupidity...
I wouldn't mind so much Ron, but the idiot drew his telescopic stick and Rocky thought he was going to throw it for him to fetch...
ReplyDeleteYouve obviously got to much time on your hands to be writing b###ocks like that above!! Why not spend your time doing something useful for society.. youve already missed 35 years of paying into the system!!!!
ReplyDeleteDear anonymous, it may be advantageous for you to do a short English Language course with Learn Direct. It is free and you may even learn to employ the correct use of the word "too" as opposed to "to"
ReplyDeleteanonymous 7.20: PC who did you say you were?
ReplyDeleteI carnt dyvulge that sawt ov infurmashun.
ReplyDeleteI know it's common knowledge that all coppers are bastards, but one or two of us do try to be reasonable from time to time.
ReplyDeleteI think I've had to work with every type of stereotypical bastard at some stage, from the psychotic fight instigators through the obsessive speed-gun lurkers and on to the leather-jacketed Sweeney wannabees.
Don't forget though, we're not bred on a desert island, we're just Joe Public in a funny hat. At any given time we tend to reflect society at large, which is why wwe keep finding that our ranks include drunken gobshites, wifebeaters, rapists and thieves, as well as the usual smattering of bullies and the odd representative of some of the "oppressed minorities" (like Gingers).
There's always someone with a bee in his/her bonnet about the most ridiculous regulation, which they decide must be complied with by everyone. When I first joined up, nigh on twenty years ago, my Inspector insisted that everyone identify a minor offence to research, then try to implement.
Why? Because he was an awkward sod who liked to see how young bobbies coped with trying to explain to an irate builder why his skip was one lamp short, or why his car wasn't allowed to park that way round at night, or, in a suitable case, why that perfectly obedient dog (sheep for the rounding up of) had to have a lead on it if the owner wanted to have it with him whilst "off duty".
The world's gone mad because we've let it and sometimes you have to rebel within limits - I chose a vehicle construction and use regulation concerned with the size and spacing of the letters and numbers for vehicle registration plates. I made up a range of templates and warning notices, got my sergeant and the traffic section to check that I'd got it all right, then went out into the car park and slipped a notice under the Inspector's windscreen wiper. Personalised plate, he'd moved the letters slightly to make it look trendier. His face went purple, I got called every type of c@#* imaginable, but he never asked us to be so petty again.
I AM a bastard, but only when I need to be. When someone's wife and kids are in trouble, I'll be there to help them out and keep them safe - but to the bloke who's tried to kill them (again) I'm always going to be another bastard..... but that's what you pay me for.
Sadly, everyone else thinks they pay me to make sure kids don't ride their bikes on the path, dogs don't crap in the street and teenagers don't do the standing around/drinking/fighting that we all did "back then". It just takes some longer than others to realise that the little stuff is getting in the way of the big stuff....
From the defence closing speech in a trial yesterday, where the jury took very little time to find the defendants not guilty:
ReplyDelete'You may well have been wondering why the defendants found themselves in the dock rather than Mr So-and-so, the complainant. Well, yesterday we met, did we not, the officer in the case...'
Go to hell in a handcart, and take tesco with you all.
ReplyDeleteGee - you hate the police and intent to paint us all with a broad brush.
ReplyDeleteWhat can I say except that I'm sorry your dear-Old-Dad didn't love you enough.
On second thought, I retract my apology: Let the old bugger himself tell you he's sorry.
Not that it'll make a lick of difference now; blaming authority is easier than fixing your person quirks and phobias.
WIth that in mind, the next time you have a car crash, or some jolly ole burglar is kicking your back door in - don't call the police. Follow your irrational vitriol all the way to the end: We're all bastards and you have no need for us.
rue st. Michel: Correction, I don't hate the police nor do I tar them all with the same brush. But, your attitude does not do the public relations exercise any good...
ReplyDeleteNo idea what this is about but there was a time that coppers and villains had the sense to confine work time to work time. I was the latter and had mates on both sides. It isn't all that difficult. Don't do the crime if you can't do the time. and have a bit of respect for your fellow man.
ReplyDelete