Breakdown in communications

At Hogwartsanall School, in the playground, a row breaks out between two children who used to be friends. In the Blue Corner is Dave Cameron, the leader of the Bullingdon Gang, and in the Black and Blue Corner is one of his former sidekicks Ali Miraj. As an independent observer, I cannot help wondering if what I am witnessing is a display from badly-behaved pupils who should be excluded?

After failing to become a Tory MP, and not being offered a safe seat, Ali Miraj sought a seat in the House of Lords, but instead ended up on his arse out in the street. He moans, "my chances would be much better in the Labour Party". I wouldn't count on it.

True, what he says about David Cameron being obsessed with PR and gimmicks. However, spot the deliberate error in the following statement. "He has displayed behaviour unbecoming of a prime minister, it's schoolboy, playground tactics". As David Cameron is not yet the Prime Minister, presently it is Gordon Brown for the Labour Party, and is looking unlikely that he will get that far, he cannot possibly be displaying behaviour unbecoming of a Prime Minister. I think that title went to Tony Blair.

If I was a bookie, I would lay down the red carpet for a punter like David Cameron who has a habit of backing losers. Besides Tony Lit and Ali Miraj, there was the trip to Rwanda (when Oxford was under flood). More importantly, Gordon Brown has completely wrong footed the Tory Party because it is Darfur which Gordon Brown has put on the political agenda and not Rwanda.

There is mutiny in the Tory ranks. Captain Dave has called for "send reinforcements we're going to advance". Iain Dale, just out of hospital, his finger on the pulse, queries the order, "send three and fourpence we're going to a dance?".