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Saturday, May 19, 2007

Storm clouds loom over Parliament as MPs seek to exempt themselves from public scrutiny in Freedom of Information Act


Not since King Charles the First has anybody claimed to be above the laws of England. It would appear that some critics are claiming that MPs are trying to put themselves above the law by seeking to exempt themselves from public scrutiny in relation to the Freedom of Information Act.

It is being claimed that the reason for this measure is to protect the privacy of correspondence between a constituent and a MP. However, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Frequently, we are told that if we have nothing to hide we have nothing to fear with the encroaching attacks upon our civil liberties. By the same token, if MPs have nothing to hide why do they fear our scrutiny?

A football match


This afternoon there was a football match being played at the new stadium at Wimbledon, the spiritual home of football, between the Chris Paul Eleven from Manchester, and a team South of Watford owned and financed by the Russian Mafia.

I went for a bath at the start of kick off, then made a cup of coffee at half time and went onto my computer. When I thought it was over, I checked the BBC website only to find that it had gone into extra time.

Second half of extra time Chelsea 1 Man Utd 0.

BBC reporter to Chelsea player: "How important is this win today?". Duh!

The agony and the ecstasy.

I thought the highlight was seeing Prince William's bald patch when he leaned forward to hand out the medals to the team that came second, Manchester United.

Iain Dale's porno bookshop


What next for Iain Dale? Advertiser of pornography...

Post a Comment On: Iain Dale's Diary


"What Next for Two Shags?"
17 Comments - Show Original Post Collapse comments

Johnprescottsdiary.blogspot.com said...

When he is not a constituency MP he will be able to spare the time to go on the telly and review the papers when they are caught short handed, write a blog perhaps, string together a column about how women tend to decide how to vote. You know Iain, that kind of thing that a non-MP can fit in.

May 19, 2007 12:28 PM

Graphic: Tim Ireland.

UPDATE: Chris Paul links to this here.

Recipe for a shit hot curry...

Recipe for a shit hot curry.

1 Angry wife;

1 Husband;

1 Pile of dog shit;

Place the dog shit in the husband's curry;

Simmer gently...

Fags and puffs in our prisons...


For a few years now the Prison Service has attempted to ensure that non-smoking and smoking prisoners did not share the same cell, and in some prisons certain cells were designated smoking and non-smoking cells just like hotel rooms offered to guests. It would now appear that this policy is to become official.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Bounce, stats, blogs.

When I first started blogging with prisonlawinsideout I wrongly assumed that the blog was not receiving any viewers because nobody was leaving any comments. Whereas on another blog on wordpress there is an inbuilt visitor count. Once I found out how to install site meter, things appeared to look up because I could actually track that people were visiting my blog. I was chuffed that I was getting 200 people a day visiting my blog. Then one day it went mad and I was getting 200 people visiting an hour. The stats went down a bit the next day, but still it signified that the story generated quite a bit of interest. Then it was back to normal.

In short, I became interested in stats. I would not go as far as saying that I am obsessed by them, however, it satisfies my ego when they go up. I installed Google Analytics, as I wanted to analyse what tickled the viewer. Whether I was providing a good service. Where they came from. I noted that Guido and Iain Dale were always bragging about their status as top political bloggers and what their stats are. However, this one appears to knock spots off the pair of them put together. But, a closer inspection of her stats discloses that the average length of a visitors stay is 0.08 seconds. And, the vast majority appears as 0.00. I have a lot less visitors, but my average length of stay is 2 mins 48 secs. This is time enough to read a post.

The business side of stats condemns the bounce. However, I feel that this should be broken down even further. For example, 0.00 shows a bounce straight out. What does it matter if somebody bounces out after only one page if they have stayed for 2.48? Ideally, we would like them to explore the blog further. I noted that one person from Austin Texas was on my blog reading different posts for 7 hours! Some people will only be interested in one particular post, and only have time to view that before they move on.

What I am saying is that these 0.00 don't count for anything even if that blogger claims that she gets 800,00 hits per week. How many readers do you get? It's like people buying a newspaper in a newsagent's and throwing it straight in the litter bin outside the shop unread. Pointless. At least those who scan the headlines have got something out of it. Even if somebody bounces out after 2.48 and only visits one page at least it has the value of being read. Therefore, the bounce should be broken down into bounce in and out and the bounce out after a period of time.

Another example of a litter lout

Round up of the news...

A judge disbelieves a billionaire who claims to have gained his money by winning the lottery 80 times. That's 14 million to one against winning it once, and one in 43 quadrillion of winning it that many times...

Neighbours everybody loves good neighbours. Except the BBC, that is, who won't fork out £300M to continue showing the programme. Thank fuck for that!

The frenzied reporting of the missing McCann child...does not serve justice. I posted my comment that I suspect that the McCanns will not be phoning the Crimestoppers hotline to inform the police as to the whereabouts of Madeliene.

I wonder if the BBC intend to bring back The Prime Suspects, this time starring Gerry and Kate McCann?

MPs back squalid curbs on Freedom of Information Act. They are seeking to hide their sleaze from public scrutiny.

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Lord Falconer's act of folly...Watered down FOI


Lord Falconer, the caretaker Minister of Justice, has attempted to defend the government's proposal to limit the Freedom of Information Act so that it becomes, in effect, a non-Freedom of Information Act.

How is it in the interests of the public for the government to limit the press from obtaining information on behalf of the public? How can Lord Falconer claim that it is not an attempt to return to secret government?

Democracy prevails when there is a free press and a strong opposition. Given that the Tories are as strong as a wet tissue at present, attempting to gag the media by preventing access to information would be like Stalin's Russia or Hitler's Germany.

Ignorance of the law is no excuse

It is excusable for Paul Hill one of the Guildford 4, upon release from prison, not to have kept up with modern technology. For example, he wanted to send a Telegram to let someone know that he had been released. It was explained to him that Telegrams no longer exist, and it was suggested that he instead send a fax. To which he replied "What's a fucking fax?".

However, no such excuse for a judge presiding over an internet trial involving alleged terrorism to ask the question "What is a website ?".

It's what you do when you want to catch a butterfly, m'lud, get it int'net.

Let's hope that the learned judge knows the difference between guilty and not guilty...

Mockery of justice


What a joke. Paris Hilton has had her 45 days prison sentence, for drunk driving, halved on appeal, on the ground of her good behaviour. That is, she turned up at court! So, now everybody else who turns up at court can have their sentences cut by half?

Paris Hilton who is not like every other criminal, will not be housed with common criminals. Instead she is to be catered for in a "special needs housing unit". Oh dear, it's suddenly been discovered that she is a spastic. It used to be that prison was a great leveller in society, it now appears that we have upper class prison accommodation for the elite "It is reserved for celebrities, public officials, police officers and other high-profile inmates".

Whatever fucking next! I am surprised that daddy does not offer to keep this young criminal in a suite in one of the Hilton Hotels...

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

JOHNSON EMERGES AS CLEAR FAVOURITE



Hull West and Hessle MP Alan Johnson has emerged as the clear favourite in the race to become Labour's new deputy leader. The current deputy leader of the Labour Party and Hull East MP John Prescott has thrown his weight behind Mr Johnson to take over his position. Chancellor Gordon Brown, who is to succeed Tony Blair as Labour leader and Prime Minister is also backing Alan Johnson, as is Economic Secretary Ed Balls, and Environment Secretary David Miliband. Hull North MP Diana Johnson who supported Gordon Brown for leader of the Labour party and Prime Minister, has also come out in support of Alan Johnson. More than 60 MPs are backing his challenge for the role, as are 10 MEPs - more than half the party's total - and 53 peers are supporting his bid.

Although Alan Johnson launched his campaign under the slogan "the people's choice", that may well be a bit presumptious, for example, "Alan Who???????" asks John Hull, of Hull, and "Do we really want another MP that does nothing to promote the City of Hull just themselves, like Prescott did (I,m alright Jack) NO THANKS" says a Council Employee, Kingston upon Hull.

Justice Minister Harriet Harman, has said, because the next leader and Prime Minister is a man, the next deputy leader should be a woman. And, she believes that she is the next Margaret Thatcher who she models her self on. However, Mr Johnson said he had many female backers. He said: "Most people, including the women who are standing and who are very talented women, want to be elected on the basis of their ability, not on the basis of their gender". Perhaps, Hilary Benn should win because he is a man with a woman's name?

Home Guard Harry



It has been announced that Cornet Wales, aka Prince Harry, will not now be going to war in Iraq as it has been deemed too dangerous for our soldiers. Well, at least, too dangerous for a softie born with a silver spoon in his Royal gob. But, not too dangerous for the rest of the Blues and Royals squadron who have already gone to Iraq without him. Perhaps, the squadron should be renamed if it is not to have a Royal going into combat?

Cornet Wales will instead join the Home Guard at Warmington on Sea, just in case the Iraqi's decide to invade Britain.

Who do you think you are kidding Mr Bullshitter...

P.S. Don't forget to award the single white feather to Cornet Wales for bravery in the face of...

Excerpt from a prison diary


Last night I dreamed about prison, it was not the first time, but today I have realised for the first time that this place gets deep down into my soul. Even sleep isn't sacred.

Once again I find myself doing solitary confinement. Doing bird the hard way, as it is generally known in prison parlance. But it isn't hard to get solitary. One can actually do nothing wrong and still wind up down here.

This nick is called Gartree one of seven Dispersal Prisons, that are all maximum security, and all of which I have stayed in at sometime or another, either on this life sentence or when I served a five years sentence. They are, for the record; Albany, Gartree, Hull, Long Lartin, Parkhurst, Wakefield, and Wormwood Scrubs. Eventually, Frankland may well join the ranks once the short-termers run the place in and iron out any wrinkles.

It is now Saturday night, and I have been down here nine days. Thursday before last, I went to work as normal and shortly before cease of labour in the afternoon, my attention was drawn to a hammer-wielding inmate (Paddy Hill of Birmingham 6 fame) who was noisily smashing up some sewing machines. He had put paid to some five or six before the discipline screws were even aware of what he was doing. One of the screws pressed the alarm bell, whilst the other two slowly approached Paddy Hill. I could see that they didn't relish the idea of tackling Paddy, but they knew that their duty required them to do something.

At about this time the "Heavy Mob" charged into the workshop. Paddy Hill had thrown a chair through the office window, and added another six sewing machines to his credit. The situation became tense. I said to a screw who looked as though he might try to be a hero, "Leave him, let him finish". I thought it was good advice at the time, but after my words were twisted around and said to another screw who wasn't even within hearing distance, perhaps I was wrong.

The screws know that they have to tread on broken glass when incidents like this arise, a false move and it can result in a full scale riot. But even so, some screws are pushy and I waited the turn of events, just as willing to wrap a chair over a screw's head or sit upon it.

They waited for leadership and it came in the form of a Chief Officer who spoke to and removed the hammer from Paddy Hill. Whilst Paddy Hill was being escorted from the workshop, I heard an argument between another inmate and a group of screws. He was saying that it was too late to talk to Paddy Hill once the damage was done. "They" should have talked beforehand.

The screws told him to shut his mouth, they couldn't simply have walked out of the workshop and left things to cool down. This other inmate was then led from the workshop under escort.

I heard a white shirt (either a Senior Officer or a Principal Officer) say "Who's next? Who's next?". There followed whisperings in ears, and fingers pointing at me, and a group of screws approached me and one of them said, "C'mon, you as well". I started to protest my innocence but to no avail, I was addressing automatons, "Get Hirst, get Hirst, get Hirst".

Apparently, I was taken from the workshop as a precaution, this unofficial action I could have accepted had I been taken to the Wing instead of the Segregation Unit. But, "They" had over-reacted and would have to justify the action by either placing me on report or putting me on Good Order And Discipline. In the event, they did both. The following morning I received a Notice of Report (F1127) stating that I had used threatening and abusive language, ie, "You cunts leave him alone until he's smashed the fucking shop up". Naturally, I blew my top. It was a stitch up. I threw what came first into my hands (a pile of magazines) at the screws who quickly retreated and slammed the door shut. Next, I tore up the nicking sheet refusing to acknowledge that it had anything to do with me.

Some inmates refuse to go into the adjudication because the Kangaroo Court winds them up. I went in that morning because I wanted to confront the screw who had deliberately lied upon the report sheet. Imagine my shock when not only had I not said what "They" had alleged I had said, but I'd allegedly said it to a screw other than the one I had spoked to. My blood began to boil again. I accused the screw of lying, and not being within hearing distance of what I'd actually said and to whom I'd said it. The governor found me guilty and sentenced me to 7 days Cellular Confinement, plus 3 days Loss of Earnings, plus GOAD when the 7 days was finished.

Rule 43B or GOAD as it is also known, was originally created to give an inmate a 28 day cooling off period in Segregation. But, the powers that be abuse the rule and twist it to suit. The inmate may not even know why he is placed under the rule or for how long. Although the rule book states that an inmate shall do no longer than 28 days, when the period is up a tame magistrate simply renews the order so that an inmate can in fact be in solitary confinement indefinitely. Some inmates have served two years, and one or two others, as much as five years in solitary confinement.

An extension of the Rule 43B is the "lie down", whereby an inmate is sent from his Long-Term prison to a Local Prison like Bristol, Winchester or Armley. The boast of the screws here is that they don't assault inmates in the Seg Unit. To the best of my knowledge this is true. But, on a "lie down" an inmate can get a kicking in and the Gartree screws hands and feet remain clean of violence.

The following morning I received two more report sheets both claiming assault. One of them referred to the magazine throwing episode. Fuck knows about the other because I didn't bother going to the adjudication. Instead, I smashed up the cell. As far as one can smash cardboard furniture and plastic windows. And waited with a turd to throw at the governor should he appear and tell me the result of the adjudication. But, neither he nor any screw would open the door.

It doesn't matter whether you walk into quicksand of your own volition or you are pushed, the result is the same, you sink deeper and deeper. Later, a different governor visited Paddy Hill, who had smashed the sewing machines, who was next door to me in the Seg, and he urged the governor to come in and talk to me before anybody got into the situation where they couldn't back off. At first the screws advised against him seeing me, but unlike their word, I keep mine and assured the governor safe entry and exit from the cell. As he entered he stood on a bed spring which flew up into the air. Quick as a flash, he said, "I know Spring is in the air Hirst, but this is ridiculous!". The humour eased any remaining tension. I had to laugh. The next day this particular governor, Mr Clark(e), was on adjudication (although again I did not appear) and he awarded me a further seven days in solitary but this time the sentence was to run concurrent.

For two nights now we have had relatively little sleep down here, because there is a man in the Strong Box banging his chamber pot on the door for long periods at a time. He has smothered the place in shit, on a "Dirty protest", and throws it at the screws whenever they open the double doors. If he had been in Long Lartin or Albany, or one of the other Dispersal Prisons he would have received the "Liquid Cosh" by now. However, here in 1978, when such an injection was administered to one inmate the jail rioted. Talk says that this place will riot again in the near future. Personally, I hope it's not just talk because for a Long-Term establishment this place leaves a lot to be desired.

(circa. 14.5.1983)

Iain Dale suffers from delusions of grandeur

MINISTRY OF MISINFORMATION REPORT:

Calm down Iain, it's only a figment of your imagination. As if they'd bother. LOL.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Madeleine: The circus comes to town


I feel strongly that the Portugese police should hand over the investigation of the missing Madeleine to Scotland Yard. And that the police should focus their investigation upon the parents Gerry and Kate McCann, interviewing them separately and subjecting them to questions more in keeping with suspects as opposed to witnesses.

This whole thing is getting out of hand. Ambulance chasing lawyers, the International Family Law Group, smell money and intend setting up a fighting fund whereby people who feel emotional about Madeleine's disappearance can donate money to help the search for her. And, what percentage of this fund will find its way into the lawyers pockets? In what way can these lawyers help in the finding of Madeleine? I have heard of political parties setting up a fighting fund, and pressure groups, but this is hardly that kind of situation is it?

Monday, May 14, 2007

Guest blogger Ron'sKneesRantsandRaves pop at 18DS


Prisonlawinsideout is opening his front door and inviting people who don't need the money to come and gain some work experience at Britain's first northern t'internet blogger.

We're looking for a Technical Assistant to come and spend a few weeks on a wide range of projects from making the tea to a spot of sweeping up and hoovering and beyond. You will become an integral part of the team and glean some very valuable experience for your CV.

You don't need to be an expert as we can teach you anything you need to know, but at least an intermediate knowledge of rolling cigarettes is a must. In return, we can offer you a great piece of experience for your CV to help you progress in an ICT, housekeeping or arse-licking career.

More specifically, we are looking for somebody to work with Rocky and Head of Blogging to:

* Help to conceive, schedule and conduct walking the dog
* Help to beat the living room rug
* Help to establish the blog on to new platforms like Technorati
* Help to keep sections of the blogsite up-to-date
* Help to develop a robust hate-comment refusal system
* Help develop a number of in-house applications such as loading the microwave
to ease administration and improve putting the bin out


This is a great opportunity for the right mug and will help launch your career into the netherworld. We are keen to find somebody who has bags of initiative with no cares about his/her finances. You should be able to work well under pressure and integrate well within a single environment.

If you are interested in coming to spend some time helping us out and don't mind working for jack shit, please email your CV and bank details to jailhouselawyer via the web address for shortlisting. We are expecting a high response to this offer so please do not send any money at this time.

Closing date: Monday 34 May 2009
Start date: Last week
Duration: Variable, about 3 years ideally

Men from the Ministry of Silly Walks



Why do I think of Bill and Ben and the MacDougalls flourpotmen?

Tory TV employs slave labour

As the rest of the world celebrates the 200th anniversary of the abolishment of slavery, which I posted about here. Imagine my horror when I read, here, and here, that 18doughtystreet.com is seeking a slave to work for nothing at the internet TV station. Is this more hypocrisy from Iain Dale? It was not that long ago that I watched the interview by Iain Dale of the producer of Amazing Grace the film about William Wilberforce who abolished slavery. I suspect that Iain Dale is being paid more than the National Minimum Wage for his input into the downward spiraling internet TV station, you would think that he could afford to be more charitable?

Prison sell-off may fund village jail plan


Prison sell-off may fund village jail plan

By Rachel Sylvester and Alice Thomson
Last Updated: 2:26am BST 12/05/2007


Britain's large Victorian prisons could be sold off and replaced with dozens of small specialist units under plans being drawn up by the Government.


In an interview with The Daily Telegraph, Lord Falconer, the new Justice Secretary, said the prison estate needed to be transformed to make the incarceration of prisoners - particularly women, young people and mentally ill offenders - more humane.

However, the plan is likely to prove highly controversial and raises the prospect of dozens of small prisons opening up in towns and villages all over the country.

Under the plan thousands of prisoners could be kept in local secure units housing around 15 in-mates each.

"This could be a way both of providing public protection and reducing offending," Lord Falconer said. "The more flexible your provision can be, the better."

But David Davis, the shadow home secretary, said: "What is vital is that the Government actually addresses the chronic lack of capacity in our prisons. Replacement units should not be confused with extra units."

Lord Carter of Coles has been appointed to draw up proposals for changing the way in which Britain's jails are run over the next 10 years.

In particular, Lord Cole has been asked to consider the practicality of selling off large Victorian prisons such as Pentonville, Brixton, Wandsworth and Wormwood Scrubs and using the money to set up smaller, more specialist units.

One estimate puts the value of the inner city prison sites at £350 million.

Comment: Ever since the Strangeways Prison riot in April 1990, Lord Woolf and I have been advocating that smaller more manageable units are the way forward. It would now appear that this common sense approach is to be tried.

As ever, the less than common sense ramblings from David Davis are apparent. If he has got nothing positive to say, would it not be better if he said nothing at all?